Navigating Friendships and Cancer
When you’re in your 20s or 30s and you’re diagnosed with cancer, lots of things change. One of the things you’ve told us can be most difficult, is navigating friendships in life alongside cancer. We unpick the gnarly topic of friendship and cancer, offering tips and advice for managing your relationships.
When you’re in your 20s or 30s and you’re diagnosed with cancer, lots of things change. One of the things you’ve told us can be most difficult, is navigating friendships in life alongside cancer. We unpick the gnarly topic of friendship and cancer, offering tips and advice for managing your relationships.
When you’re in your 20s or 30s and you’re diagnosed with cancer, lots of things change. One of the things you’ve told us can be most difficult, is navigating friendships in life alongside cancer. Because you may be the first of your pals to get diagnosed. They might have experience of losing someone they love to cancer. Some people might pull away, while others step up. And it’s not always who you expect to do one or the other.
After being diagnosed with cancer, maintaining and even re-establishing relationships with your friends can be so hard. Some of them may say the 'wrong' thing, some may not even know what to say resulting in them becoming distant and unresponsive, and some may turn out to be those magical unicorn friends who get it *exactly right.*
In a survery from our friends at Maggie’s, 59% of the 250 people living with cancer polled said that friends struggled with knowing what to say after they were diagnosed. 35% said they had lost friends because they didn’t know how to cope with their diagnosis.
What to say to someone who’s just been diagnosed with cancer
Top tips on how to support someone with cancer
But why do relationships change, and what can we do about it?
Your friends are important. But it’s also important to recognise that relationships do change during treatment and beyond – and that’s OK. You might lose people. But you might gain special friendships too. Connecting with others who’ve had cancer can be incredibly powerful. There’s no need to explain, no need to talk about cancer unless you want to, and no need to be anywhere other than where you are.
Existing relationships change for lots of reasons. They might feel complicated or strained for lots of reasons, including
- you feel crappy and may (understandably!) be irritable while you are being treated
- being in hospital a lot
- not being able to do the same things as you used to
- acting differently because of your diagnosis
- looking different because of treatment
Friends can find these things difficult to deal with, or make sense of. Most people you know won’t have much experience of being around someone with a serious illness like cancer. This can lead to them acting in these ways because they don’t know what to say or how to be.
It can help to think about the situation from their perspective. Think about how you would have been with people like you before your diagnosis. Chances are you'll be able to find a little bit of tenderness towards those people who say the 'wrong' thing - as long as they're not intentionally hurting you.
Not everyone will understand - that's OK
Some of your friends may stay with you and become an amazing source of support. They might know how to improve your mood and listen to you when you're down. These are true friends and relationships like this can blossom during cancer treatment.
But not everyone will be able to understand what you’re going through. It's normal to lose touch with some people. If this happens, try not to let it get you down – friendships change all the time. There's a quote we love - friends are there for a reason or a season.
It's important to note that you might change too. Cancer can give you a different outlook on life. You may not relate to your old friends as well. And that's OK. It's all part of the cycle of life.
Lifting the Lid
Back in 2020, we sat down with two young people who've had cancer, one of their friends and experts on managing friendships and relationships. Georgie and Sadruz talked about what young people with cancer need from their pals, Pippa provided her perspective on supporting someone diagnosed with cancer twice, and Dr Katherine Hood and Glyn Harries from Young Lives vs Cancer shared their expert perspective. Watch here:
Other resources
Conversations around cancer aren't always easy. Whether you're talking to your pals, loved ones, partner or even your medical team, knowing how to deal with topics that might feel tricky can go a long way in helping you manage your relationships. Check out our top tips for having those difficult conversations.
Whether you're dating, in a serious relationship, having a bit of fun or committed to be together for the rest of your lives, when your partner's diagnosed with cancer it can bring some big challenges along. Suddenly you've both got a lot to deal with. Working out how to support each other, and yourselves, is key for moving forward.
Lifting the Lid aims to create a safe environment to delve into important topics, while letting our community of people living life alongside cancer know that there are experts on hand who understand their experiences. Check out the full library
.png)
If you’re the parent of someone in our community with cancer, we know there’s not a lot of information out there to support you. We explore how you might be feeling, how you can help and how to take care of yourself in amongst it all.
Whether you love it or hate it, exercising beyond a cancer diagnosis can be hugely beneficial. We look at the things that might be stopping you from exercising and help unpick how to tackle them
Sean was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma when he was 28. At the time, he was a self-employed personal trainer and found that his cancer caused paralysing pain. Now, Sean is back on his fitness journey and has joined us as a RENEW trainer. He shares the story of his experience from patient to cancer exercise specialist with us.
What do you need to know about food and cancer? It's the wild, wild West out there, so we worked with some brill experts and friends to bring you everything you need to know. Our guide is a no-nonsense, evidence based guide designed with you in mind.
Navigating sex and cancer is a minefield. Whether you’re trying to do the deed after diagnosis, you’re living with cancer or you’re in the realms of that elusive new normal we hear so much about, the truth is, the whole thing can be, well...Tricky. Here's our tips on sex and cancer
Parenting is tough enough without adding cancer into the mix. While there's no single formula that can make parenting through cancer easy; there are some practical tools, strategies, resources and services that can help.
Receiving a cancer diagnosis in your 20s or 30s is hard enough. When you are from the LGBTQIA+ community there can be a number of issues you may face. One of these may be your sex life and sexual health. Stewart from LGBTQIA+ cancer support charity OUTpatients and experts share their tips and advice that can help you navigate sex after cancer.
Menopause is a common but not often discussed side effect of breast cancer treatment. Stacey didn't realise how much her menopausal symptoms were impacting her until she joined Trekstock's menopause programme.
.webp)
Lydia's cancer diagnosis when she was. Her diagnosis meant she had to undergo a complete hysterectomy – having her uterus and cervix removed. As a result, she found herself facing the menopause. Here’s her story on how she’s reached an understanding with her symptoms.
Early menopause is a side effect of cancer treatment a lot of people aren't prepared for. There are ways to cope and to manage those side effects. However early menopause is impacting you, Dr Lousie Newson, GP and menopause specialist, has some tips.
Exercise and cancer don't seem like ideal partners. But the truth is they go together exceptionally well. Exercise has tonnes of benefits for those going through cancer treatment and living with any long term impacts. Exercise physiologist Tom Cowan explains the benefits of exercising with cancer and shares the best ways to make it work for you.
.jpg)
Living life alongside cancer when you’re in your 20s or 30s brings its own unique set of challenges. But we exist to help you make the most of the parallel lives you’re living as both patient and person. Here’s a rundown of everything we offer.
We're able to consume more content and information than ever before. A world of news, dating apps and online shopping is always just a few seconds away. But humans have not evolved to handle this kind of consumption. We're still in the process of figuring out what exactly it does to us. This year's Men's Mental Health Week is focusing on the internet and its impact on male mental health
There are loads of ways to nurture body confidence, even with cancer in the mix. We're here to support you every step of the way, providing resources to enhance both your physical and mental well-being. Together, we can help you embrace self-love and find a sense of comfort in your own skin, even in the face of cancer.
So you’ve just been told you’ve got cancer. And then you’re told your ability to have kids in the future might be impacted too. Because cancer’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Finding out you might be infertile because of your cancer treatment can have a huge emotional impact. Even if kids are the last thing on your mind, making sense of having this decision taken away from you is important. If you’re experiencing fertility issues and it’s impacting your mental health, it’s OK. There are people and organisations out there designed to help.
Just because you've been diagnosed with cancer during your education doesn't mean you should be held back. Here's everything you need to know about living life alongside cancer and education
Tips for opening up about your health at work - from what your rights are to how to talk to your employer and what to do if you decide to stop working.
.webp)
Ambassador Carolina shares what the Trekstock community means to her and how she found support from people who'd been through cancer treatment at a young age.
Because navigating friendships in your 20s or 30s is hard enough without cancer.
No matter who you are, the physical changes that might occur because of cancer or its treatments can be really difficult. Whether you're dealing with nausea, hair loss, early menopause or anything else, learning how to manage these impacts is key to a better quality of life.
Cancer’s an emotional rollercoaster. It’s OK to find it tough to cope.